Emily's Cinquain
Revised Version:
I realized that my syllables were wrong...so I had to make a few other changes. Plus, since my noun phrase was wrong, I had to change the end as well. Who knows, I might have changed something that didn't need to be changed.
Slouching
Sadly
At my desk
Last Monday night
To rid the feeling of failure
Because I failed another midterm
Original:
Dejectedly
At my desk
A downtrodden face
To match the pain in my heart
Because I failed another midterm
posted by Emily @ 12:11 AM
3 Comments
3 Comments:
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I like it! The only thing I can see that might need revising is the line "A downtrodden face." It does work as a noun phrase, but I don't think it's functioning adverbially in this case. I might just be looking at it the wrong way though, so let me know!
I can totally relate to this :) I think Kyle's right, too, about "A downtrodden face" not functioning adverbially, since it doesn't seem to modify "Slouching."
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